I have a job!

I have a job!

Great isn't it? Still adjusting though, but I am happy and learning some new stuffs. I feel tired everyday, but still happy. I think that's it for now.. I have a big story to tell, but not now..maybe these coming days I will tell all..

"... life starts with a simple hello.."

Leap Year

Leap Year..

Certaintly not happening this year. But I fell in love with it. Not the event itself, but the Movie.. Maybe I still have a hang on the Valentine's Day thing. It's a simple love story, but you know, women.. we always love to fell in love by fiction or any other thing that pertains to LOVE.

A leap of Faith..

I heard this line today, twice on TV. I don't know what relation it is to Leap Year, but I guess there is also LOVE involved. To believe is a love given free willingly without anything to ask for in return. It's like believeing in the impossible. Like Believing in GOD.

Lately I've been staying at home more often. I am still waiting for that second call. The Call where I think my life now could change a little with the same routine. I am having Faith in that, just like the same as believing that Miracles happen everyday. A Big Faith!

Inportant thing is.. a reminder.. reality, Though I don't have a job, Or that my doctor doesn't say I am Cancer Free, or I still got my past behind me always lurking, or neither had or have a boyfriend to fell in love with, I am Happy. I am. The future will have to wait for me. I just know. because I believe.

"... May you never steal, lie or cheat. But if you must steal, steal away my sorrows, and if you must lie, lie with me all the nights of my life, and if you must cheat, then please, cheat death. Beacause I couldn't live a day without you..."
- the bride, Leap Year.

On this Valentine's Day

What the world needs now?

As I sit here, in front of my old computer, wondering, thinking what to write next on the line and reading news, articles about the upcoming Valentine's Day.

I am not a great fan of this event, because I don't have " a someone " or a significant other to share it with. Not that I hate or do not want to have someone to be with on this said day, but I guess that someone is still on it's journey to come close to me. I have my family though, to share it with , but we also are not a big fan of this. So I guess, valentine's day will be intended to others who really needs a lot of attention now more than ever.

Love.

The world needs LOVE.

These past few weeks, as seen on TV, our dear brothers and sisters had suffered a lot of pain, struggle to survive, in hunger and thirst from a vicious, life threatening disaster which strikes the whole world in devastation and frustration. In an instant, one by one, a life is taken and by a second, thousands had died without warning. Life indeed is short. And no matter where you are, who you are, what you have, If it's your time to depart this forgiving world, You have no choice but to enter the veil towards the light.

Valentine's Day is a day of LOVE, but can we not love everyday? Why wait for this one specific day of the year to share LOVE if we can love each other every single day?

It's a matter of choice.

If you chose to LOVE someone, it's your own choice. If you chose to love someone and LOVE the world too.. It's also your choice.

"...we are born to love and be loved. No matter who you are, where you're from, what you have or do not have, as long as you know how to love, you are YOU..."

For Tomorrow

To face another new beginning for me makes me sick. My nerves are breaking out and I can feel the fear surfacing. Like yesterday, I feel all this weird emotions. The excitement is there, but the fear of rejection or acceptance makes me wonder a hundred thousand times. I know the positivity may be there, but you know, as purely human I become infected with all this kind of feelings.

Tomorrow will be a different tomorrow. I can feel it. I just can't seem to realize how fast the pacing of events for me. I don't really know if this is for me, but if I risk to take this opportunity, I will risk it with such caution and safety first. I love myself. I know I wouldn't do any harm to myself. and I love my life. I had fought hard to be able to still walk on the earth's crust for a couple of years more. Still not perfect, Still jobless, but my heart beats differently now. My outlook becomes more wide. I accepted to whatever the Lord God will give me for a future. I have an enormous patience and will to live on despite of everything.

I'll keep posted for whatever tomorrow will bring.



- everyday life of a person surviving to lofe after Cancer.

Start my Engine

Today I feel so elated and excited with a lot of fear and exhaustion. Lost and abandoned. Jealousy strikes and a craving for independence and success intensified. Seems like a lot of emotions surfaced for just a day, but I do, I do feel so weird. I think this is gonna be the start of my new beginning. I am really, totally afraid and confused with all of this but I also feel the joy and happiness at one point. Nevertheless, whatever may happen, may happen. If it is for me, It is for me... Right?

Am I talking some nonesense again? Maybe I do, but at least I said it all.

Just Grateful for all this feelings today!

" We are walking along the road with no beginning nor end. We just carry a big Faith to whatever comes... "

-everyday life of a person surviving life after Cancer.

A question

How did my life end up this way?

The question is so unreasonable and the answer is too clear, but everytime I ask myself about this I always end up questioning back myself as if I don't know the answer.

My life is stuck here without a single movement yet. Like my unremovable cyst, I am almost unremovable from where I am at now. This life, the one I have right now is my comfort zone. I feel so safe and secure here. I have worries, but they are level up to my own liking. Though I cannot decide for myself I am still able to fuction well enough to explore and see the world as it is. My life is safe but I can't still see my future.

I just had a talk with my friend on the phone minutes ago and she is about to depart our country three days from now to find work and life elsewhere. I feel so jealous and small. People I know are always going especially friends. I am one of those person that is always left behind. They are having their won independence and life ahead of them and I am still here, glued, without a career, without anything to brag about except of course my strength, courage and hope in fighting against Cancer. I may not have something more beautiful like they do but I am still alive despite of everything and that's more important than anything else in the world. I think...

I do pray for my friend. I love her and she means so much to me. She is always there in my times of needs and sees me through the thickiest and thin. She was there when I was fighting to save my own life. She was there when I had my first Chemo sessions. She was there to see me laughing despite of the tremendous effect of the treatment inside my body. She was there in everything. Even though she is not my Bestfriend, She is my friend. My friend. Though I felt jealous and sad by her going, I am proud of her for achieving something big like this.

" There are a few who will turn their back and look at us with an endearing eyes that speaks of care and love. "

- everyday life of a person surviving life after Cancer.