Day 1115

A day after my three day christmas vacation at my Grandma's place. It was our annual tradition to spend Christmas with our beloved grandmother on my mother's side of the family. We had a sort of small reunion for immediate relatives. It was stressful but we all had fun.

Every Christmas serves a great importance to me. Maybe not just because I view life now differently, but because I want to have something to remember it by and to give thanks that I had lived to see yet another Christmas. I am contented and happy.

Today I feel like resting here at home, just a little bit tired from our road trip yesterday and sitting here just thinking about what's going to happen next year. Though I am still in question and afraid, I am ready for whatever comes. I don't want to be surprised anymore. I come prepared.

Time flies so fast. It is my fourth Christmas already after diagnosis and I only think of it as if it only happened a year ago. I am just Grateful for everything. I know that life is changing constantly and I am trying to convince myself to go along with the change. life is useless and meaningless without this challenges that arises. We just all hope that our Lord will give us enough strength to surpass each day and live life as if it's our last.

A New Year's greeting to every survivor out there!

-everyday life of a cancer survivor.

a very merry christmas...

I am Happy knowing that I am still able to greet another Christmas, another year being alive and still breathing. I don't care about receiving nothing this year. I Care about the whole Giving thing. I just want them to have something from me to remember for always.

My wish this year is that our future generation would still enjoy the planet we are living in right now. That Global warming will soon be resolves to protect the earth we all adored, cared and love.

More giving and forgiveness to offer. Life is too short. If you could do something about giving and forgive those people who have sinned against you, do it today. Not tomorrow. Tomorrow may not exist. Tomorrow may fade away, but today will always be today no matter what.

Love. Love makes the world go 'round. We are created to love one another with much willingness. Love makes us crazy at times. Making us worry, but in return learning the whole caring thing. and in the end outpours an unending happiness we all deserve.

Being happy. I always tell myself that If ever I die tomorrow, at least today I am happy. Being happy is not just that simple. In order to achieve it you must accept "you" as a person. You as a unique soul. Happiness comes from within. It is self motivated.

.. and finally Hoping and believing. A hope makes us, makes me fight for my right to live and see the future. My life may be threatened now by a silent killer disease, but To hope for the betterment of my future life is what I have left. To believe on something magical. Maybe there is no cure for Cancer until now, but to believe that you are being healed and cured is way more than any remedy this world has created.

Merry Christmas to each and everyone. May we all continue to fight for our right to be happy, to stay here, to enjoy our time being. Life may be hard and full of unexpected challenges, but life is still fair. Giving us a chance to savor and taste it's bitterness and sweetness.


- everyday life of a Cancer Survivor.

A Season's Greeting from a fellow survivor

I had been busy recently with all the Christmas fever. I was tired all the time, but I had fun. I love wrapping up presents and the whole giving thing. I just want to have something to give my love ones and my whole extended family no matter how small or cheap it is. I want them to have something from me to make them remember me always.

I also had my Lab tests this week and results were good. CEA 1.45. Though I haven't done my Scans and scopy yet, but due January of next year, I still have high hopes. What will be will be. It will serve a purpose.

I still can't believe that Christmas it almost here in a matter of days. This is my favorite season of the year. There is so many things to be thankful for. So much to be grateful for. My life has been through a massive storm, but here I am, still breathing, still fighting. I am loving my life. It is still hard for me, still a process, but I am taking one step at a time everyday. Everyday is like my first day at school. Everyday is a new day.

A Merry Christmas to all...

I wish to just be happy everyday. To Laugh, To Cry, To be Hurt and to reach success, etc...

- everyday life of a Cancer Survivor.

a very good news report

This is the article from Yahoo which gives a lot of courage to continue the fight against Colon Cancer. It is a good news not only for me but to those who are at risk of acquiring such gift. It is just a matter of self discipline, good survellance and a proper control. The report of the declining number of deaths from Colorectal Cancer proves that in this generation there are numerous means to promote and prevent Cancer.

ATLANTA – Colon cancer deaths could drop dramatically in the next decade because of better screening and treatment, according to an optimistic new prediction by top researchers.

The estimate was made in an annual report that shows that, overall, the U.S. cancer death rate is continuing to decline, as it has since the 1990s.

The report released Monday focuses largely on cancers of the colon and rectum, which together are the third leading cancer killer in the United States. An estimated 50,000 people will die from it this year.

The battle against colorectal cancer has been a growing success story: The death rate dropped roughly 20 percent in the last 10 years, according to American Cancer Society figures.

The new report — by researchers at the advocacy group and other organizations — predicts that death rate will drop even more over the next decade. By 2020, the rate could be half what it was in 2000, they said.

The prediction assumes colon cancer screening and improved chemotherapy treatment will become more and more common, and colon cancer contributors like smoking and red meat consumption will decline.

The prediction is "optimistic but realistic," said Elizabeth Ward, who oversees surveillance and health policy at the American Cancer Society.

But some other experts said such a large drop could require far-reaching changes in how many people eat a healthier diet, have health insurance and can get good medical care.

"I think it's a little bit more optimistic than realistic," said Dr. Edward J. Benz Jr., president of the Dana-Farber Cancer Institute in Boston.

The new report looks at cancer trends from 1975 through 2006. The Cancer Society and others reported 2006 cancer death statistics in May, but this report provides further analysis and adds the predictions about colorectal cancer.

Cancer is the nation's No. 2 killer, behind heart disease, and accounts for nearly a quarter of annual deaths.

While deaths rates from many of the major cancers have been declining, the rate for liver cancer has been increasing. In women, deaths from pancreatic cancer are rising. In men, esophageal cancer and melanoma deaths are increasing.

There are differences among different racial and ethnic groups. Overall, cancer death rates are highest in black men and women. But pancreatic cancer death rates have been increasing for whites and not blacks.

But overall, cancer diagnoses and death rates have declined significantly, a success attributed largely to improvements in screening and treatment and declines in smoking.

The colorectal cancer death rate was about 17 deaths per 100,000 people in 2006. Better chemotherapy drugs have been used along with surgery to improve survival. And as of 2005, about half of U.S. adults aged 50 or older had had a recommended screening, such as a colonoscopy within the last 10 years or a stool blood test within the last year.

"It seems to me that it's a cascade of things that include medical science and technology advances," said Dr. Michael Fisch, head of general oncology at the University of Texas M. D. Anderson Cancer Center in Houston.

The report's prediction is based on a number of assumptions. Among other things, it assumes that the number of people who are screened will increase, fewer people will smoke or eat red meat more than twice a week, and the obesity rate will hold about steady.

Doctors say smoking and obesity contribute to colorectal cancer deaths, by increasing the odds of getting cancer or making treatment more difficult. While the U.S. adult smoking rate has gradually been declining for decades, the obesity rate has been climbing.

The new report was put together by the Cancer Society, the National Cancer Institute, the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention and the North American Association of Central Cancer Registries.

It's being published in the journal Cancer

Today was like my ordinary rountine day. As my anniversary/ birthday had already passed by a day, I am getting myself back to reality. I am still afraid but very hopeful for what tomorrow may bring. If my life ends today or tomorrow, the day after and so on and so forth I am ready. Like i said, Three years is such a long extension. If I will have another three years it is a spectacular Blessing and miracle. I am not losing my Faith, my Hope, and my Belief...

- everyday life of a Cancer Survivor.

Happy 3rd Birthday

Remember, remember the 8th of December..

Who could possibly forget the very day I had woke up to greet my whole new world. To a new life. A chance to prove my worth.

Three years seemed like just a month ago. Three years of being alive and fighting for my survival. It is so surreal to think that I am still breathing and tasting the delicacies of life despite the difficulties. I am happy but still in worry and in question. What will happen next after this?

It still pains me to think of what will tomorrow bring. I worry so much about myself and especially my family. I am afraid and there is no doubt about it, eventhough I don't act or vocal about my feelings, I still felt this way eversince this whole thing started. Everyday is a process for me. Three years is so short to accept things. I know I don't have much time to spend my life being doomed with this situation and feelings, but I think i will give myself this time to still be halfway through acceptance. It is not easy and the people who would understand me is the people who are experiencing this kind of situation.

Today, I heard mass together with my family. It is my way of saying Thank You for what The Lord God has given me. My faith, Trust and a great Belief in Him is the topmost way of me seeing the light throughout the darkness that over shadowed me in these past few years. He saved me a lot of times. He is still saving me everytime.

Later tonight we had a wonderful dinner together with my whole family. We made it a tradition to celebrate, like my real birthday, every year. Today I turned 3 years old. For me it is a big achievement to reach this age. I am Thankful, Happy and very Grateful.

I don't know exactly what will tomorrow bring as I said, but I still have high hopes for the future. I know there is something more beautiful to come my way. It is just a matter of believeing.

A Happy 3rd Birthday to me...


- everyday life of a Cancer Survivor.

Day 1091

I can't believe it's Christmas once again. This is my Fourth Christmas living with Cancer. Still being Grateful for everything. Being Alive and all regardless of anything negative.

Today I spend my day wrapping up few of my christmas presents in advance. This is my favorite time of the year. I love Christmas. Eversince I was a child I really look forward to Christmas. Not just the gifts I will receive, but the thought of everybody is merry and happy despite of problems and circumstances.

Having Cancer has been a big part of me since December of '06. That is one thing I also look forward too when December comes. I got to give thanks and celebrate my second life, my second birthday. And this year I will be turning four. For me, it is a great and big achievement. I don't hold the knowledge of tomorrow, but I am getting myself ready everyday. There no more forever for me, so I make it to a point to live life as happy, as lovely, as meaningful as I could.

-

Today I not just remember Christmas, I also realize how much I really love my family. That is why I always pray for them first and more than my own self. I am so selfish, i won't deny it. But maybe in a very good way.

Life still rocks despite of everything and today...


- everyday life of a cancer survivor.

Day 1088

Just two days ago i got sick. I had a fever which I don't know what caused. I wasn't sick before. Had no flu, running nose, tonsilitis, cough, etc. I was so scared. I thought I wouldn't last a minute there. My chills were really bad. I never chilled like that before. For me, it was one of my many life threatening situations that I had experience these past few years. I got my family worried again. and I don't like that. But it happened. None of it is beyond my control.

Sometimes I feel tired of just thinking and getting worried when it comes to my health. I wish I was one of those person who just lived a life with normality. You know, no worries about health, about money, about finding a job, etc. But no matter how hard I try to close my eyes that everything is just a dream, when I open it, It is still the same world, the same planet, the same environment, the same life and situation I am in. Nothing changes.

............( in deep sigh..) When would my world turn around and stop to my own liking? When would I find normality back again? When? I still ask these questions. I know, I know I should not be selfish enough to ask something like this, but I feel so human all the time. I feel so imperfect. and i don't mean any of it.

Right now, I am feeling okay. Getting myself back to my daily life. My life's experiences has been the greatest battle I had. I am tired indeed, but I will not quit. I will never give up. Not now. Not ever.


This is me. This is what I feel today.


- everyday life of a Cancer Survivor.

Do you have a Choice?

Being Free is having a choice. Freedom is a capacity to determine your own choice. That is from a Philosophical point of view. There are many angles about Freedom and it is up to us on how we view it as a whole.

We are born to make our own stand, our own choices. But that nearly depends on certain situtations bought about by Life's mishaps. There is no way to detect what lies on our future. No one to tell what will happen next. We decide, we choose.

When I had received a gift like this, I didn't have a choice to return it to the sender, revoke, or throw it away because I don't want it. I have no other choice but to accept it. Acceptance is a long process to deal with. I thought it was just too easy, but after years of struggling, I now know the hard part of it.

Life doesn't end there. I still have a choice. Though I don't have one when it comes to accepting a gift such as big as this, but I have a lot of choices about how I want to live my life after Cancer. I chose to be Happy. I know and everyone who deals with the same situation like I do, that everyday is still a struggle. Being happy is not that hard to achieve as long you really want it. I want to be happy. I don't want to leave this unforgotten world someday without knowing the beauty of being Happy.

So, no matter how life sucks just BE HAPPY!!!

We have our own choices. We have our rights. We are free.


- everyday life of a Cancer Survivor

Day 1079

It's been a rainy day today and I just spent my whole day being here at home. Nothing much of the Wow factor. Pretty stationary. But as a Cancer Survivor my life is not ordinary as it seems anymore no matter how I just spent the day alone and nothing to do. My brain cells works on different angle and heights. My mind is now distracted and all of this have something to do with me engulfing the essence of having to live my life with a history and a future with Cancer. Reality sucks though, but Life isn't. I have to constantly remind myself of that phrase.

Today, aside from being just here at home I am continually processing my upcoming Laboratories due this December. It is my last general lab works this year and I am already stressed out just thinking of the results. Why is it that I feel this way? I know I am not the only one who was diagnosed with Cancer and received treatment that had felt this way. Then why is it that I feel so alone? Sometimes I don't even know what to feel or think anymore. It is still hard. Everyday is still a struggle. It still hurts and pains me but no one knows. Only me. I don't have to drag them all to my misery. I still have to put a bright, happy, optimistic, positive face around them. I Care and Love them. I don't want them getting worried and hurt. Sounds so selfish of me right? Maybe I am entitled to be like that at times but not all the time. I am still Human though. cannot barely contain the spur of my emotions.

How time flies so fast. It is my 1079th day of being alive. How great and superB is that. I am grateful for that extention. I may still ask questions regarding the why's but as a whole, I am really happy and Thankful.

This is Life. This is what's meant to be for me. This is my Life. I wouldn't trade it for anybody's life.

- everday life of a Cancer Survivor.

What makes me tick?

what makes me tick everyday?

I live my life on routines these past few years. I am a capable person , but it seems that Cancer silently pulling me out of reality. Like I am constantly moving on different dimensions without knowing when I would be completely back. Life is still fair though. I am very much alive and ticking like a brand new clock.

So, what makes me tick?

My Family. The People who cares. A Hope. To believe in something magical. The future.

It makes me tick when I could feel the presence of my family near me. They were over protecting me somehow now on taking on the challenge of moving forward, I felt trapped, but it makes me also feel loved and wanted. It makes me tick when I could see, feel those people who deeply cares for me. My relatives. My friends. It makes me tick when I know there is still Hope for tomorrow. That I still have Hope to conquer the future. That I am not alone in battle. It makes me tick because I believe in something magical. I believe that there is a more higher power that this world has gained. and lastly, It makes me tick to go forward to see my Future. Everybody is entitled to dream and look forward for the future no matter what.

As I open my eyes everyday to greet a new day, I Thank the Lord for the Blessings He had offered me. - everyday life of a Cancer survivor

Day 1075

For the past three days I had a glimpse of my old life way before I was stuck to have Cancer. I miss my life so much. How I wish I could go back into time and just stayed there. No more fast forwards. But it can't be anymore. It was already forged. It's already done.

How time flies so fast. Weeks from now I'll be celebrating my third year anniversary. I don't know if I am going to be happy knowing that I am still alive after three years or would ask myself "why am i still alive?". Funny isn't it, I may not have died after many tremendous interventions to keep me alive, but my emotions (which i kept from the open) kills me every single day that passes by. Cancer may not get me now, but it is haunting me down every step of the way. No matter where I go it follows me around. Only death could put a stop. But I don't want to die now. I know this feeling I feel doesn't show me a clearer road, but it gives me a rocky finish to what is supposed to be a meaningful life we should have.

There are more rainy days in my life, but once in a while the sun will come up to shine my way through another obstacles. I know the process would not be as stationary. Life isn't made that way. Without challenges, Life is empty. We will be empty as a tin can if we don't have a life. Pain is already there. We just have to find a unique blend to compensate with it. We are born to take this road. I was born to take a different route. And it made me a great fighter. for more positive outlook, I may be the best fighter because I am still alive after everything...

( Sigh ).................i feel so tired today. I believe i will still wake up tomorrow and greet another new day..

Life still rocks despite how I feel or how I see the world from my point.


- everyday life of a Cancer Survivor.

The struggles

Each day is a struggle. I woke up everyday with my head on into something new to tacke. Like I am living my everyday life as my last. As I said previously, I don't have Forever. So I make my life as worthwhile as possible.

Struggles are a part of a life of a human. All of us are struggling for something we want. Something we aspire to do or to be. Struggling is like fighting for all your might. I had my fair share of struggles in the past and now, but I manage myself to keep on going forward no matter what.

Having to deal with Cancer is one of my biggest struggles in life. I don't blame myself or anyone for me getting the disease, but sometimes I ask questions. I ask the "Why's". Why me? What did I do to deserve such as this? But all of these are just passing questions which never meant somethig at all. I was just temporarily acting out as humans do.

The fight is not yet nearing middle, but sometimes I felt so tired and exhuasted from all the physical and emotional stress brought to me by the disease. I know myself. I know my capabilities. My limits and comtrol. the discipline i give to myself. But all of these, sometime I fail to compensate. Sometimes i just break down and cry without anyone in view.

Being diagnosed on your early twenties is so hard to let it sink in. When life seems already favors you with independence, a career, a foresight of your future. Then like a speed of lighting everything changes in a milisecond. Your plans, your future is now on hold. Happiness and fulfillment at stake. No U-turns. No other way back. It's just a decision if you will move another step forward or just stop dead where you already are. Just stay stationary. In my case, I chose to move forward. I chose to receive treatment. I chose to risk my life into surgeries. I helped myself. I took care of me. and now, being here to write my blogs only means that I fought hard to regain myself to the forgiving world.

My struggles had given me enough strength to battle any coming disasters in my life. These struggles helped me to learn about living and fighting. About loving and learning about myself first before i turn to others to help and to love. So by having Cancer, it's not all the bad stuffs that it had given me. There are still good in bad.


- everyday life of a Cancer Survivor

The fears

My fears with everything about life grew even stronger each day. No matter how hard I try to convince or let myself at ease that everything will be okay, yet a certain fear swepts me away into this forgiving world I am in.

To fear is like telling the world that "I am human". Our emotions are a vital tool in order to know the in and outs of the human world. We are given with such emotion because our creator knows our very own capacity to face the challenges that life will give us. The battles and obstacles are only here to spice up our very existence. What is life without any problems? It is one of those boring lectures from one of your boring teachers. They is no fun and sorrow in it. Nothing to get yourself worried, be happy or feel pain.

Having Cancer heightened my fears to a different notch. My own reality had me turning myself upside down. It is sad to know that the word "Forever" never exist anymore. That what I have is only Now, today, tomorrow, the day after tomorrow, the next day so on and so forth, but there is no such thing as forever. Everyday I have to accept that fact like accepting the fact that I had Cancer. That no matter what I do or say nothing could erase that from my past. I had to deal with it weather I like it or not.

Recurrence is what we fear the most. We Cancer Patients and survivors had to deal with this fear after a great battle of treatment. It is like anticipating "death", will come knocking at our doorstep seeking what it wants most, to take lives. We thought of our disease as a time bomb. That any minute the source button will be pressed on and everything will begin again just as the first time. That is what we are afraid of. That triggers our fear. and it stresses us. A stress can release any bad malfunction in our body that can alter our well being. Stress is a topmost reasons for having Cancer and it is not healthy. Our Fear accompanies a stress.

But, there are many ways also to counter this situations. And we Cancer Survivors knows this very well. We just need to use some of our resources and open our mind to the harsh reality. We had Cancer. We fought a dangerous battle. We risk our lives in order to survive. And we carry it all until the day we die and be judged.

For as long we are alive and breathing, We are given a chance to live a life according to our own choices. We have a choice. and for me, I choose to be Happy no matter what happens.

" We were born, We exist, in order to see, hear, smell, taste, touch and feel the wonders our Creator made. We only got a chance to lived once. We need to use that borrowed time well...."


- everyday life of a Cancer Survivor...

My Story

It's been almost three years since my world cracked at the edge of a cliff. The dissappointments and frustrations which I endure was nothing compare to being left alone, stranded, unclothed and barren in a certain wilderness unknown to man. I was devastated, hurt and for a while had gently fade away from what people including me, called Earth. At a young age of 21, I was diagnosed with Colon Cancer, stage III. It was just like slapping both your hands together. One clap and that's it. Everything went into a different direction. Everything went pitch black and I was lost there for a while.

My journey took off on a sudden twist. I was contented with my life, but it seems that life has surprised me bigtime. I had Cancer and I have to engulf the thought and the reality of it. This is real. Life isn't fooling me around this time. As I continue with the next process, I fought my hardest. No tears did I spare in order that others closest to me would not worry a lot. I kept my emotions in. Until the end of the treatment they never noticed how pissed off I am from all the medications, surgeries and other lab procedures done to me in order to keep me alive and fighting. Everything went as planned and I survived it all. I had surpassed what I know is only the first phase of being a survivor.

Three years has passed, still alive, and it seems the word Cancer is not unfamiliar to me anymore. It is a part of who I become right now. I was changed by it. I know I told my loved ones that I already accepted the fact that I had Cancer, But sometimes It still won't sink in no matter what I do or say. It still hangs inside this little brain of mine. It still hurts me when I see or hear about the disease. It's like eating me up alive everyday as I recall the very first day i received that letter of my diagnosis.

It is so hard. My life was temporarily put on hold for years now. I wanted to get back to normalization so bad, but whenever I do there are some hesitations and barriers that I could not describe. It's like something holding me aback. Maybe I am not yet ready to face the world carrying my past. Maybe I need more time. But for how long? I tried to ask myself every single day. How long would I keep myself isolated? I know there is a time and a purpose for everything. I just hope that my patience won't wear off until that time when I let go of myself into the real world. When that time comes, I will be ready and prepared to endure whatever is given.

For now, I am on my remission stage. I am a survivor to Cancer. and I believe that there is Hope. there is a future instored for me. I have to keep me alive in order to face tomorrow. This is me. and this is my story.