The struggles

Each day is a struggle. I woke up everyday with my head on into something new to tacke. Like I am living my everyday life as my last. As I said previously, I don't have Forever. So I make my life as worthwhile as possible.

Struggles are a part of a life of a human. All of us are struggling for something we want. Something we aspire to do or to be. Struggling is like fighting for all your might. I had my fair share of struggles in the past and now, but I manage myself to keep on going forward no matter what.

Having to deal with Cancer is one of my biggest struggles in life. I don't blame myself or anyone for me getting the disease, but sometimes I ask questions. I ask the "Why's". Why me? What did I do to deserve such as this? But all of these are just passing questions which never meant somethig at all. I was just temporarily acting out as humans do.

The fight is not yet nearing middle, but sometimes I felt so tired and exhuasted from all the physical and emotional stress brought to me by the disease. I know myself. I know my capabilities. My limits and comtrol. the discipline i give to myself. But all of these, sometime I fail to compensate. Sometimes i just break down and cry without anyone in view.

Being diagnosed on your early twenties is so hard to let it sink in. When life seems already favors you with independence, a career, a foresight of your future. Then like a speed of lighting everything changes in a milisecond. Your plans, your future is now on hold. Happiness and fulfillment at stake. No U-turns. No other way back. It's just a decision if you will move another step forward or just stop dead where you already are. Just stay stationary. In my case, I chose to move forward. I chose to receive treatment. I chose to risk my life into surgeries. I helped myself. I took care of me. and now, being here to write my blogs only means that I fought hard to regain myself to the forgiving world.

My struggles had given me enough strength to battle any coming disasters in my life. These struggles helped me to learn about living and fighting. About loving and learning about myself first before i turn to others to help and to love. So by having Cancer, it's not all the bad stuffs that it had given me. There are still good in bad.


- everyday life of a Cancer Survivor