Do you have a Choice?

Being Free is having a choice. Freedom is a capacity to determine your own choice. That is from a Philosophical point of view. There are many angles about Freedom and it is up to us on how we view it as a whole.

We are born to make our own stand, our own choices. But that nearly depends on certain situtations bought about by Life's mishaps. There is no way to detect what lies on our future. No one to tell what will happen next. We decide, we choose.

When I had received a gift like this, I didn't have a choice to return it to the sender, revoke, or throw it away because I don't want it. I have no other choice but to accept it. Acceptance is a long process to deal with. I thought it was just too easy, but after years of struggling, I now know the hard part of it.

Life doesn't end there. I still have a choice. Though I don't have one when it comes to accepting a gift such as big as this, but I have a lot of choices about how I want to live my life after Cancer. I chose to be Happy. I know and everyone who deals with the same situation like I do, that everyday is still a struggle. Being happy is not that hard to achieve as long you really want it. I want to be happy. I don't want to leave this unforgotten world someday without knowing the beauty of being Happy.

So, no matter how life sucks just BE HAPPY!!!

We have our own choices. We have our rights. We are free.


- everyday life of a Cancer Survivor

Day 1079

It's been a rainy day today and I just spent my whole day being here at home. Nothing much of the Wow factor. Pretty stationary. But as a Cancer Survivor my life is not ordinary as it seems anymore no matter how I just spent the day alone and nothing to do. My brain cells works on different angle and heights. My mind is now distracted and all of this have something to do with me engulfing the essence of having to live my life with a history and a future with Cancer. Reality sucks though, but Life isn't. I have to constantly remind myself of that phrase.

Today, aside from being just here at home I am continually processing my upcoming Laboratories due this December. It is my last general lab works this year and I am already stressed out just thinking of the results. Why is it that I feel this way? I know I am not the only one who was diagnosed with Cancer and received treatment that had felt this way. Then why is it that I feel so alone? Sometimes I don't even know what to feel or think anymore. It is still hard. Everyday is still a struggle. It still hurts and pains me but no one knows. Only me. I don't have to drag them all to my misery. I still have to put a bright, happy, optimistic, positive face around them. I Care and Love them. I don't want them getting worried and hurt. Sounds so selfish of me right? Maybe I am entitled to be like that at times but not all the time. I am still Human though. cannot barely contain the spur of my emotions.

How time flies so fast. It is my 1079th day of being alive. How great and superB is that. I am grateful for that extention. I may still ask questions regarding the why's but as a whole, I am really happy and Thankful.

This is Life. This is what's meant to be for me. This is my Life. I wouldn't trade it for anybody's life.

- everday life of a Cancer Survivor.

What makes me tick?

what makes me tick everyday?

I live my life on routines these past few years. I am a capable person , but it seems that Cancer silently pulling me out of reality. Like I am constantly moving on different dimensions without knowing when I would be completely back. Life is still fair though. I am very much alive and ticking like a brand new clock.

So, what makes me tick?

My Family. The People who cares. A Hope. To believe in something magical. The future.

It makes me tick when I could feel the presence of my family near me. They were over protecting me somehow now on taking on the challenge of moving forward, I felt trapped, but it makes me also feel loved and wanted. It makes me tick when I could see, feel those people who deeply cares for me. My relatives. My friends. It makes me tick when I know there is still Hope for tomorrow. That I still have Hope to conquer the future. That I am not alone in battle. It makes me tick because I believe in something magical. I believe that there is a more higher power that this world has gained. and lastly, It makes me tick to go forward to see my Future. Everybody is entitled to dream and look forward for the future no matter what.

As I open my eyes everyday to greet a new day, I Thank the Lord for the Blessings He had offered me. - everyday life of a Cancer survivor

Day 1075

For the past three days I had a glimpse of my old life way before I was stuck to have Cancer. I miss my life so much. How I wish I could go back into time and just stayed there. No more fast forwards. But it can't be anymore. It was already forged. It's already done.

How time flies so fast. Weeks from now I'll be celebrating my third year anniversary. I don't know if I am going to be happy knowing that I am still alive after three years or would ask myself "why am i still alive?". Funny isn't it, I may not have died after many tremendous interventions to keep me alive, but my emotions (which i kept from the open) kills me every single day that passes by. Cancer may not get me now, but it is haunting me down every step of the way. No matter where I go it follows me around. Only death could put a stop. But I don't want to die now. I know this feeling I feel doesn't show me a clearer road, but it gives me a rocky finish to what is supposed to be a meaningful life we should have.

There are more rainy days in my life, but once in a while the sun will come up to shine my way through another obstacles. I know the process would not be as stationary. Life isn't made that way. Without challenges, Life is empty. We will be empty as a tin can if we don't have a life. Pain is already there. We just have to find a unique blend to compensate with it. We are born to take this road. I was born to take a different route. And it made me a great fighter. for more positive outlook, I may be the best fighter because I am still alive after everything...

( Sigh ).................i feel so tired today. I believe i will still wake up tomorrow and greet another new day..

Life still rocks despite how I feel or how I see the world from my point.


- everyday life of a Cancer Survivor.

The struggles

Each day is a struggle. I woke up everyday with my head on into something new to tacke. Like I am living my everyday life as my last. As I said previously, I don't have Forever. So I make my life as worthwhile as possible.

Struggles are a part of a life of a human. All of us are struggling for something we want. Something we aspire to do or to be. Struggling is like fighting for all your might. I had my fair share of struggles in the past and now, but I manage myself to keep on going forward no matter what.

Having to deal with Cancer is one of my biggest struggles in life. I don't blame myself or anyone for me getting the disease, but sometimes I ask questions. I ask the "Why's". Why me? What did I do to deserve such as this? But all of these are just passing questions which never meant somethig at all. I was just temporarily acting out as humans do.

The fight is not yet nearing middle, but sometimes I felt so tired and exhuasted from all the physical and emotional stress brought to me by the disease. I know myself. I know my capabilities. My limits and comtrol. the discipline i give to myself. But all of these, sometime I fail to compensate. Sometimes i just break down and cry without anyone in view.

Being diagnosed on your early twenties is so hard to let it sink in. When life seems already favors you with independence, a career, a foresight of your future. Then like a speed of lighting everything changes in a milisecond. Your plans, your future is now on hold. Happiness and fulfillment at stake. No U-turns. No other way back. It's just a decision if you will move another step forward or just stop dead where you already are. Just stay stationary. In my case, I chose to move forward. I chose to receive treatment. I chose to risk my life into surgeries. I helped myself. I took care of me. and now, being here to write my blogs only means that I fought hard to regain myself to the forgiving world.

My struggles had given me enough strength to battle any coming disasters in my life. These struggles helped me to learn about living and fighting. About loving and learning about myself first before i turn to others to help and to love. So by having Cancer, it's not all the bad stuffs that it had given me. There are still good in bad.


- everyday life of a Cancer Survivor

The fears

My fears with everything about life grew even stronger each day. No matter how hard I try to convince or let myself at ease that everything will be okay, yet a certain fear swepts me away into this forgiving world I am in.

To fear is like telling the world that "I am human". Our emotions are a vital tool in order to know the in and outs of the human world. We are given with such emotion because our creator knows our very own capacity to face the challenges that life will give us. The battles and obstacles are only here to spice up our very existence. What is life without any problems? It is one of those boring lectures from one of your boring teachers. They is no fun and sorrow in it. Nothing to get yourself worried, be happy or feel pain.

Having Cancer heightened my fears to a different notch. My own reality had me turning myself upside down. It is sad to know that the word "Forever" never exist anymore. That what I have is only Now, today, tomorrow, the day after tomorrow, the next day so on and so forth, but there is no such thing as forever. Everyday I have to accept that fact like accepting the fact that I had Cancer. That no matter what I do or say nothing could erase that from my past. I had to deal with it weather I like it or not.

Recurrence is what we fear the most. We Cancer Patients and survivors had to deal with this fear after a great battle of treatment. It is like anticipating "death", will come knocking at our doorstep seeking what it wants most, to take lives. We thought of our disease as a time bomb. That any minute the source button will be pressed on and everything will begin again just as the first time. That is what we are afraid of. That triggers our fear. and it stresses us. A stress can release any bad malfunction in our body that can alter our well being. Stress is a topmost reasons for having Cancer and it is not healthy. Our Fear accompanies a stress.

But, there are many ways also to counter this situations. And we Cancer Survivors knows this very well. We just need to use some of our resources and open our mind to the harsh reality. We had Cancer. We fought a dangerous battle. We risk our lives in order to survive. And we carry it all until the day we die and be judged.

For as long we are alive and breathing, We are given a chance to live a life according to our own choices. We have a choice. and for me, I choose to be Happy no matter what happens.

" We were born, We exist, in order to see, hear, smell, taste, touch and feel the wonders our Creator made. We only got a chance to lived once. We need to use that borrowed time well...."


- everyday life of a Cancer Survivor...

My Story

It's been almost three years since my world cracked at the edge of a cliff. The dissappointments and frustrations which I endure was nothing compare to being left alone, stranded, unclothed and barren in a certain wilderness unknown to man. I was devastated, hurt and for a while had gently fade away from what people including me, called Earth. At a young age of 21, I was diagnosed with Colon Cancer, stage III. It was just like slapping both your hands together. One clap and that's it. Everything went into a different direction. Everything went pitch black and I was lost there for a while.

My journey took off on a sudden twist. I was contented with my life, but it seems that life has surprised me bigtime. I had Cancer and I have to engulf the thought and the reality of it. This is real. Life isn't fooling me around this time. As I continue with the next process, I fought my hardest. No tears did I spare in order that others closest to me would not worry a lot. I kept my emotions in. Until the end of the treatment they never noticed how pissed off I am from all the medications, surgeries and other lab procedures done to me in order to keep me alive and fighting. Everything went as planned and I survived it all. I had surpassed what I know is only the first phase of being a survivor.

Three years has passed, still alive, and it seems the word Cancer is not unfamiliar to me anymore. It is a part of who I become right now. I was changed by it. I know I told my loved ones that I already accepted the fact that I had Cancer, But sometimes It still won't sink in no matter what I do or say. It still hangs inside this little brain of mine. It still hurts me when I see or hear about the disease. It's like eating me up alive everyday as I recall the very first day i received that letter of my diagnosis.

It is so hard. My life was temporarily put on hold for years now. I wanted to get back to normalization so bad, but whenever I do there are some hesitations and barriers that I could not describe. It's like something holding me aback. Maybe I am not yet ready to face the world carrying my past. Maybe I need more time. But for how long? I tried to ask myself every single day. How long would I keep myself isolated? I know there is a time and a purpose for everything. I just hope that my patience won't wear off until that time when I let go of myself into the real world. When that time comes, I will be ready and prepared to endure whatever is given.

For now, I am on my remission stage. I am a survivor to Cancer. and I believe that there is Hope. there is a future instored for me. I have to keep me alive in order to face tomorrow. This is me. and this is my story.