Day 1079

It's been a rainy day today and I just spent my whole day being here at home. Nothing much of the Wow factor. Pretty stationary. But as a Cancer Survivor my life is not ordinary as it seems anymore no matter how I just spent the day alone and nothing to do. My brain cells works on different angle and heights. My mind is now distracted and all of this have something to do with me engulfing the essence of having to live my life with a history and a future with Cancer. Reality sucks though, but Life isn't. I have to constantly remind myself of that phrase.

Today, aside from being just here at home I am continually processing my upcoming Laboratories due this December. It is my last general lab works this year and I am already stressed out just thinking of the results. Why is it that I feel this way? I know I am not the only one who was diagnosed with Cancer and received treatment that had felt this way. Then why is it that I feel so alone? Sometimes I don't even know what to feel or think anymore. It is still hard. Everyday is still a struggle. It still hurts and pains me but no one knows. Only me. I don't have to drag them all to my misery. I still have to put a bright, happy, optimistic, positive face around them. I Care and Love them. I don't want them getting worried and hurt. Sounds so selfish of me right? Maybe I am entitled to be like that at times but not all the time. I am still Human though. cannot barely contain the spur of my emotions.

How time flies so fast. It is my 1079th day of being alive. How great and superB is that. I am grateful for that extention. I may still ask questions regarding the why's but as a whole, I am really happy and Thankful.

This is Life. This is what's meant to be for me. This is my Life. I wouldn't trade it for anybody's life.

- everday life of a Cancer Survivor.