Day 1075

For the past three days I had a glimpse of my old life way before I was stuck to have Cancer. I miss my life so much. How I wish I could go back into time and just stayed there. No more fast forwards. But it can't be anymore. It was already forged. It's already done.

How time flies so fast. Weeks from now I'll be celebrating my third year anniversary. I don't know if I am going to be happy knowing that I am still alive after three years or would ask myself "why am i still alive?". Funny isn't it, I may not have died after many tremendous interventions to keep me alive, but my emotions (which i kept from the open) kills me every single day that passes by. Cancer may not get me now, but it is haunting me down every step of the way. No matter where I go it follows me around. Only death could put a stop. But I don't want to die now. I know this feeling I feel doesn't show me a clearer road, but it gives me a rocky finish to what is supposed to be a meaningful life we should have.

There are more rainy days in my life, but once in a while the sun will come up to shine my way through another obstacles. I know the process would not be as stationary. Life isn't made that way. Without challenges, Life is empty. We will be empty as a tin can if we don't have a life. Pain is already there. We just have to find a unique blend to compensate with it. We are born to take this road. I was born to take a different route. And it made me a great fighter. for more positive outlook, I may be the best fighter because I am still alive after everything...

( Sigh ).................i feel so tired today. I believe i will still wake up tomorrow and greet another new day..

Life still rocks despite how I feel or how I see the world from my point.


- everyday life of a Cancer Survivor.