Day 1088

Just two days ago i got sick. I had a fever which I don't know what caused. I wasn't sick before. Had no flu, running nose, tonsilitis, cough, etc. I was so scared. I thought I wouldn't last a minute there. My chills were really bad. I never chilled like that before. For me, it was one of my many life threatening situations that I had experience these past few years. I got my family worried again. and I don't like that. But it happened. None of it is beyond my control.

Sometimes I feel tired of just thinking and getting worried when it comes to my health. I wish I was one of those person who just lived a life with normality. You know, no worries about health, about money, about finding a job, etc. But no matter how hard I try to close my eyes that everything is just a dream, when I open it, It is still the same world, the same planet, the same environment, the same life and situation I am in. Nothing changes.

............( in deep sigh..) When would my world turn around and stop to my own liking? When would I find normality back again? When? I still ask these questions. I know, I know I should not be selfish enough to ask something like this, but I feel so human all the time. I feel so imperfect. and i don't mean any of it.

Right now, I am feeling okay. Getting myself back to my daily life. My life's experiences has been the greatest battle I had. I am tired indeed, but I will not quit. I will never give up. Not now. Not ever.


This is me. This is what I feel today.


- everyday life of a Cancer Survivor.