The question is so unreasonable and the answer is too clear, but everytime I ask myself about this I always end up questioning back myself as if I don't know the answer.
My life is stuck here without a single movement yet. Like my unremovable cyst, I am almost unremovable from where I am at now. This life, the one I have right now is my comfort zone. I feel so safe and secure here. I have worries, but they are level up to my own liking. Though I cannot decide for myself I am still able to fuction well enough to explore and see the world as it is. My life is safe but I can't still see my future.
I just had a talk with my friend on the phone minutes ago and she is about to depart our country three days from now to find work and life elsewhere. I feel so jealous and small. People I know are always going especially friends. I am one of those person that is always left behind. They are having their won independence and life ahead of them and I am still here, glued, without a career, without anything to brag about except of course my strength, courage and hope in fighting against Cancer. I may not have something more beautiful like they do but I am still alive despite of everything and that's more important than anything else in the world. I think...
I do pray for my friend. I love her and she means so much to me. She is always there in my times of needs and sees me through the thickiest and thin. She was there when I was fighting to save my own life. She was there when I had my first Chemo sessions. She was there to see me laughing despite of the tremendous effect of the treatment inside my body. She was there in everything. Even though she is not my Bestfriend, She is my friend. My friend. Though I felt jealous and sad by her going, I am proud of her for achieving something big like this.
" There are a few who will turn their back and look at us with an endearing eyes that speaks of care and love. "
- everyday life of a person surviving life after Cancer.
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